I am disappointed with myself. I think too much. Daydreaming. I put too high hope. I am too desperate! What’s wrong with me??!!

Undeniably, I do like him. I think of him whenever I am free. I think of the way he talked to me, his gestures and eye contact. I guess I just misunderstood his friendliness instead of liking me! I feel I am at lost now in a deep blue sea. I miss him. But I don’t think he does to me. It is just me, myself and I who wanted for more. I hope something better to happen. Maybe any signs and symptoms which shows I am right, in a certain way? Maybe he does have feeling towards me too? I hope. I wish. Will it ever happen? I want to stop myself from thinking of him now. What for if it’s only me alone… I hate this part right here! I just lost something I wanted so much. I feel so awkward! But I never regret any moment I talked to him. At least some sweet memories floats in my head. For me to mesmerize. I gotta stop this even though I don’t like it. For my own sake. Nobody can help me except myself. I feel myself very stupid and dumb. I am lost now. I feel bad!

I can’t stop thinking about him. Especially after meeting him yesterday in Jusco Bukit Tinggi with a girl named Sam. I don’t know. I felt Jealous. Am I crazy?? I think so. Yes. Him and I aren’t tied down together as boyfriend and girlfriend. So why do I feel so? Cause I like him. Crush. Sigh…. Every moment I keep looking at my handphone, wishing it will ring. Any message from him or maybe call? (worse) Everytime it was me to initiate to message him, waiting more than 12 hours for a simple reply. Stupid me. Like yesterday, I couldn’t control myself from messaging him about Jday. This time, I really really wish he will automatically, I mean initiates to contact me. Will he? The chances seems to be very small. Maybe I should just kill that thought! Sad case. I am so desperate. I feel so empty and lonely. I want to have a boyfriend, for me to love and to be loved. Will I ever get it? I’m not sure…