Saturday, September 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Supersenior, ni hao....
Oh man, I'm a supersenior now?! It's kinda hard for me to accept that actually. So fast, I'm already so "old". Anyway, I need to get used to it somehow. I'm anticipating also, in a way, to orientate the juniors, but in a proper way.
What do I mean?
Hmmmm, get to know them. But how to remember them? I don't even remember what I had studied for the past few hours, or even recall what the lecturers told us. Oh gosh...Obviously my mind is so congested. Anyway, I was given a task by Prof R to "psycho" the juniors, because they are the future doctors. Can they take the stress? Are they willing to? These include sacrificing the time, the playtime, the sleep time, one's physical and mentally and even psychologically health, just to serve the public as a doctor. It is not gonna be easy, even to try to talk to the juniors also difficult, based on the current situation in UM.
Spies are everywhere, just like in the movie. We're like locked up in a jail. haih...
This make me feel so sad not able to get to know the juniors. All I want to do is to talk to them, play with them, and giving them the hint to mentally and psychologicallly prepare them to face the future! Doctors might be JOBLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!
ouch....it's hurt to hear that though...what to do? That seems to be the current trend in all hospitals in all states right now, exceptional case for Sabah and Sarawak, it seemed...
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday was my last day posted in PICU. Right after CPC at 4pm, all five of us rushed there for attendance. As Prof. Lucy said, signature won't come cheap. I know that, anticipated for that since monday...
At about 5pm, suddenly there were 2 patients rushed into PICU. An indian girl with diabetic ketoacidosis and another indian boy who suddenly developed cyanosis on feeding. Situation was quite tense, as doctors and nurses all busy attending to both of them. Trying to get an IV access, taking the vital signs, providing oxygen, ambu-bagging the patients and etc. House-officers were busy clerking parents and guardians for thorough history and so on.
On the other hand, medical students were seemed to be obstructing movements of doctors and nurses by crowding around the beds. We want and need to observed the procedures, yet a bit lost what to do...( i mean myself). We were asked to smell the ketotic breath of the patient. We all did, but nobody ever take the steps to thoroughly examine the patient, especially vital signs, clinically. Then, we were also asked to count the fluid and insulin to be given. Fortunately, Prof. Lucy guided us. Next, count the corrected sodium and osmolarity. OOOHHH....forgotten the formula. They were all in physiology...
PP and I tried the internet, but without success, unfortunately. After that, a doctor had supplied the formula and counted whatever that was needed. Ouch, luckily. Thereafter, my attention was moving between the infant boy and the diabetic patient. Sometimes get a bit lost, sometimes amazed by the management done by the doctors, because I do not know what to do.
An hour later, patients had already stabilized. It was medical students' time to answer questions, in order to get signature for our five-days attendance. Dr. Gan seemed to enjoy the session he tortured us. haha... He asked all the simple basic calculations and values that required us to remember since 1st year physiology. I was correct, most of it, but my other colleagues seemed to be shocked by my answers. Well, they left me doubted my own knowledge and memory. I was confuse and immediately crashed my own confidence on the spur of the moment.
After 50 minutes of torturing, we were granted with cutie signatures and released.
I felt bad and guilty. Since friday morning. Did I appreciate my time in PICU? it was my only week with proper guidance there. Oh my goodness.... There were still tonnes of things which I couldn't remember. How can I ever best manage a patient if I don't even know the basic principles???
I tend to be influenced by others all the time. I want everybody else to agree with me. If not, I will shadow away my own thoughts, and follow others instead. That's bad! Where goes my confidence and principles??? I hate myself for that...
Am I so easy influenced by others because I am a gemini?
Am I that because of my attitude? behavior?
I don't know. Time is always not enough for me. I need to study, need to learn in ward, need to socialise. Oh, my adrenaline rush now urging me to get something sweet!
I am trying hard to utilise all the teaching sessions and guidance available for students here. However, something seemed to be "in" the way....
I'm trying hard, put my very best, really....
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
What does that means?
= The act of concealing the identity of something by modifying its appearance.
Modifying our reactions to certain events,
in order to please the others,
preventing bad feelings,
hate to see unhappy response from others,
thinking that "following" will make the flow of events smoother,
in the end,
feel bitter in the heart,
quietly suffer in oneself,
try to forget it,
just to feel better at the end.
It works sometime. Depending on who, where, what thing it is.
Lamenting, complaining, teardrops on both cheeks, mood swing, etc.....
All those helps to release the tension built up inside, occasionally.
Hiding ownself's feeling and mindful thoughts behind,
just like living in the shadow...
A genuine feedback from those who concern about,
really do helps and open the mind,
to things, small little things in the daily life,
which tend to be ignored/forgotten,
become obvious and important.
Standing up, face don't look downward onto the floor,
Eye contacts, and smiling face, cheerful expression, positive attitude,
Don't be afraid to freeze one's heart,
just to say NO sometimes,
just to share one's thought at a time,
don't think too much, but to accept the fact after expressing the thoughts that flow through the mind.
All these build one's confidence,
which is applicable to all daily life activities.
LIFE, there is so many unexpected events,
They don't come all at once, but in parcel...
It is not obvious for some reason, yet it brings so many lessons which can be learn into facing challenges for the rest of one's life.
Hence, is camouflage a good OR a bad thing?
Friday, January 29, 2010
At least, I can look into the clear sky now...without the heavy burden dragging me for another few months. I better focus onto my academic, which determine my future, rather than forcing myself to work with people I hate and dislike, who doesn't appreciate my existence at all!
What a nice view~~~
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Sometimes, I just feel so hard to pass another day...
Maybe now that I am quite free, no test is waiting for me for at least another 6 weeks. Moreover, it is a weekend..Saturday. Time don't flies as it's always do. I don't feel like doing any revision; but I am looking forward to something which is more fun and exciting, which may alleviate the boringness and meaningless time just sitting and daydreaming in my room. =P
Luckily, a friend called me out. It is nice to go out with friends. Just anywhere. I loved to. But it is not often that I get the chance to go out with friends, because I am more passive in this, in the sense that I don't have the mouth to "ajak" people to go out. I am a bad social organiser, in a way..haha...
Back to topic, immediately I'm "on"" with the invitation and asked another friend of ours to go together. Goin out without an objective, is so plain good. Yet, it turned out to be..erm..
It just happened that my friend (who asked me out), was in the middle of breakup. I do not know what to offer. This is because I do not have much experience in relationship kinda thingy... All I can do is be a listener. I hope it helps. Although, in the end, my friend still struggling through with it... what a sad case...and I am helpless to him...
Again, LIFE seems complicated in a way to me again, especially in relationship thingy. I never get a clear gist of it. It involves too many aspects, feeling, work-out, effort, approximity, forgiveness, sharing, mind-reading, and so on... On the contrary, I don't even know whether do myself will even fulfill all that that i had mentioned above, to my partner. I hope I will. Sensitivity is important as well. ow..so many things to consider in just ONE of the pathways down the road in LIFE.
In short, LIFE is Not too easy, not too tough, try to make it as simple albeit it does seems complicated at times...