WHAT I AM SEARCHING FOR...
I've been thinking over and over again, of my life.
What I have...now.
What I want...in the future.
What I need...for the rest of my life.
What do I expect...for my future career and relationship I am looking forward to.
What I afraid of...failure.
What I am avoiding...disappointment.
What I refuse to accept...I'm overweight.
What I anticipate for...a mutual relationship.
What I am concern for...my body weight and being single 4ever!
What I hate to think of...being lonely 4ever...I hope I will not be.
Take it easy. Your time is yet to come. You will ... someday ( seems so far away )
To be honest, I do agree that I'm am sort of a negative thinking person. I worries a lot. I think a lot. I am way too concern of what others think of me, and also think a lot of myself, not to the expectations I have targeted for myself.
Hence, I often got disappointed with myself. Mostly my mood is down and low because I got frustrated by my own self. I am the type who can laugh non-stop, can be easily triggered by a simple joke; but may not show the real me all the time. I'm trying not to fake-out my emotions to others all the time, although most of the time, my facial expressionsssssss showed everything!
I dont' feel like bothering others, especially those close friends around me.
I feel guilty for making others troubled by my own stupid thoughts.
Yet, I do agree that I am also the type who needs to spill my feelings out.
I am no longer young, to comment on my age. But I do think that I am still way too immature thinking. Still need a lot of helps and guidance by those wisely who always stand for me. Thanks so much for your suppports. I do hope I can be fully independent.
Another thing is, I am very childish in handling my emotions. My mood is always fluctuating.
I do realise that for my profession, I need to wear mask for my emotions some of the time.
It ain't easy to do that.
Last but not least, afraid of being lonely (from being a singleton 4ever) is one of my biggest concern. I do not restraint from the fact that I think of it quite frequently, especially when people around me kept reminding me that I need to find a boyfriend ASAP or else nobody will want to marry a doctor and so on... Hate to hear and think about it, but all those thoughts did bother me. I don't really have the guts to share it verbally, even with those who are very close to me, because I feel very insecure to say it. Everyone will sure laugh at me for my silly thoughts. That's what I think. Am I wrong? I hope I am...
As I step into adulthood, the more I am expose to all kinds of human politics and behaviours.
I am not comfortable to all kinds, but I do make an effort to adapt to them.
Again, it ain't easy.
I do realise that I concerned too much, that I make myself depressed at times.
I struggling to get out of it, when I conscious enough of what makes me miserable at that particular moments, in which I would say I'm not getting over it with ease.
I know I know, better not to think too much at a time...
but it is hard for me not to think about it...HOW?
What am I suppose to do if I don't even know how NOT to think about it too hard?